Memoirs Of A Modern Housewife

My life is nothing like the Bravo Housewives!

Archive for the category “maternity leave”

MOMH Update April 12-23, 2012


Seed, Time and Harvest

I have a desire to garden but I have been trying to deny the urge. I really enjoyed my square foot gardening a few years back, I called it “Garden Therapy”. It was a lot of work but I enjoyed the labor of getting on my knees, playing in the dirt, watering and even weeding. Every morning when the sun would rise I would jump out of bed (sometimes still in my pajamas) and look at what had grown. I was like a little kid checking on it every few hours. It helped me appreciate being outside no matter what the temperature or weather conditions were because I knew the sun, rain and even wind was purposeful.  Read more…

Sleep Issues And An Overlooked Cause – Post-Operation Update

Deciding to have surgery on your kids is never easy, you’re always questioning if it’s the right thing to do. Today is day five for Beaner’s recovery from his surgery. It has been a long week as you can imagine and I thought I would show in picture how the day went.

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(in)spired Review

I know from where I have come from. It is a place that is a thorn in my side keeping pride at bay. It is a past that is only seen on the likes of Lifetime Movie Network, a past that makes me cringe at the very thought of my children inquiring about, a past that can leave me awake at night, a past that threatens my future daily. But God…  Read more…

A Woman’s Design

If you are or have had a great experience with a local midwife (home and hospital), Chiropractors, Massage Therapists, Acupuncturists, Childbirth Educators, Lactation Specialists and other professionals that work directly with pregnant women, in the East-Central Metro area please send me a note at natalia@awomansdesign.com. Would love to connect with you (or them) in the next few weeks to have trusted resources for my clients.

MOMH Update March 11- April 11, 2012


It’s been a lovely couple of weeks here in the Midwest. We were blessed with a very mild winter and temperatures that got up to 80 degrees sometimes. If you reside in Minnesota this is unheard of. We are usually still knee-high in snow until April.I love when the seasons change, preferably the spring and fall. I am anxious for something new, to enter a new season of life. As I threw open the windows of the house to release the staleness of the winter, I deeply breathe in the fresh opportunities to that are set before me.

As  you can see it’s been about a month since my last post. I really enjoy writing because it helps me to process out loud but I also like to hear from you. It’s encouraging that something I love doing may be helping someone else, whether it is with a tip, a different perspective or a laugh.

Sleep Issues And An Overlooked Cause Part 4

As we prepare for Beaner to have his adenoids removed, his lip-tie clipped, tympanostomy tubes (ear tubes) inserted my anxiety is increasing day by day. We’ve consulted with a variety of specialists to make sure we’d looked at everything from all angles and to avoid a repeat surgery because something was overlooked. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Every once in a while I question the necessity of the surgery and every time I do something happens that tells me it’s the right thing to do for him. From his frequent waking at night, his sleep-apnea like snoring, his constant ear drum ruptures and infections and also a slight delay in his speech.

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Love, Marriage and Finding Our Way

Mr. Incredible and IThe longer I am married and a mom the more I realize that my family is unique (as all are) and that we shouldn’t try to mold our lives to fit others’. Before, when we were trying to make any decisions we would measure them against what others have done and succeeded in, and in some instances that is a necessary and valuable method. Our problems stem from always using that method. The truth is, my husband and I both bring to our marriage our individual upbringings, ideas, dreams and behaviors. Throw in the mix, three children who have their own personalities, needs, temperaments and you don’t have cookie-cut answers. They require examination from all angles sometimes, wisdom, prayer, most of the time patience and sometimes a leap of faith.

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(in)spired Review

I have the opportunity to review the new Redeemed Collection from DaySpring and I have to say that I was like a kid on Christmas day when the box of fun inspirational items arrived. I will be working on a review for each item and will be posting it next week.

A Woman’s Design

I mentioned that these last few weeks have been a whirlwind. I recently decided to begin taking clients on again and I am so excited about supporting women again. Because I live in a new area I will be spending a lot of time educating the community on labor support and the benefits. I am also looking into connecting with other professionals who support women during their pregnancy; ob’s, midwives, massage therapists, chiropractor’s, etc. Just this last weekend I met with another doula in the next town over. We share the same heart for women, birth philosophies and we just really clicked so we have decided to become each other’s back-ups. I also have a display at a Baby Expo this weekend that I have diligently been preparing for.

I have also started my certification process with Childbirth International to become a Postpartun Doula. I am excited about this process and looking forward to being able to support my birth doula clients during their postpartum period and also other mothers and families who decide support during the “fourth trimester” would help them during the new changes.

Beaner’s Birth Story


I recently posted the birth story of my last child via my doula and childbirth website but thought I would also share here. It was a very long pregnancy (aren’t they all) filled with many disappointments but taught me so much about myself and I received the greatest prize at the end. It’s lengthy but I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.awomansdesign.com/1/post/2011/08/birth-story-of-elisha-eli.html

 

Blessings!

 

 

Why I Choose To Stay Home


Young Housewife, Oil on canvas. The Russian Mu...

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I come from a long line of hard-working women. My grandmother was a maid for most of her life and often raised other people’s children while hers took care of each other. My own mother, a single mother of three, would often work one to two jobs at a time to help provide for my brothers and I. We were often at home day-cares or had babysitters who were not fit to watch fish let alone children. There were many questionable things that took place under the care of others. I am not sure she was ever aware of it as our caretakers were experts at putting on a great face when mom returned. I understand they were the best she could afford and I don’t harbor any resentments towards her. Having 2-3 children in child-care even during this time can cost the equivalent of a mortgage.

When I had my first child (Rigitty) I was nineteen years old. I had been living on my own for a few years and had a stable job at a credit union that I’d been at since the age of sixteen. I worked until my due date and patiently awaited for the arrival of my little girl. She came a week later and I instantly began to dread returning to work. I had a six-week maternity leave and had already used one week waiting for labor. I interviewed several childcare providers and settled on one that was close to home and financially suitable. I liked the home setting and per her policy knew she would only take a minimum amount of children at a time. In spite of my arrangements the closer it came for my return to work the more I grew anxious. This feeling is common in many mothers who have to contemplate leaving their little ones for the first time, trusting someone else to take care of their babies and children as best as they would. Although I was in good company it did not help ease my concerns and the first day I dropped her off I sat in the parking lot at work and cried. Every day it grew easier to drop her off (on the surface) and we began to settle into a routine.

As the years came and went there were several changes; career, caretaker and relocations. One thing, however, never changed; the way my heart ached as I dropped Rigitty off into the care of another.

With Rigitty it wasn’t just about having her caretakers witness a lot of her “firsts”, (although those stung). It wasn’t just the cost of quality daycare, having to shuffle her around or miss work if she was sick, trying to negotiate time off to help out in class, seeing her reflect the behavior of others that influenced her (negatively and positively) because she was around them more than me (although those hurt). There was no external pressure. No one told me I was a bad mother for having my child in daycare, in fact many people understood. It was me, my heart wanted to be home.

When Rigitty was eight years old I met a man who I knew I was going to marry (I hadn’t dated after her father and I separated and had excepted the idea of it just being Rigitty and I). As we started to become serious the usual discussion of how many more children, if any, did I want to have. I gave him a range but let him know up front where I stood with having any more children. I told him that I didn’t want to have anymore children just to leave them in the care of another. It was too hard and that I fought guilt even still. I also wanted to maintain a home. I wanted it to be a haven for my husband, a place of refuge and I wanted to be his helpmate.

This desire was contrary to the life I had been living. I was very ambitious; attended and finished college, advanced in my field, and was very involved in my church. I didn’t grow up with a stay at home mother nor did I have any peers or friends who were at home with their children. I was going against the grain and according to Erica Jung I was setting feminism back a few years to even desire this. I had no idea what it meant to be home full-time, in fact, you will learn that I often questioned if I was suited to take care of my children all day, every day. Maybe someone else was better equipped than I, I sometimes wondered.

My decision to stay home is not superior to any woman who chooses to work outside of the home. It is what is best for my family and it is where I find the most peace. I do not know your situation, why you choose to do what you do. I honestly believe that the majority of women who are raising families believe they are doing what is right in their hearts for their family.

Through these memoirs I will share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly; as I struggled with “losing my identity” after leaving the workforce, the fear of depending on my husband to provide (previously having to provide for myself and my oldest daughter for years), facing the loneliness of my friends being at work and trying to manage running a household and maintain a marriage when you are feeling all “touched out” by the end of the day. I believe God put the desire in my heart and if He did He will supply all of my needs to help to me embrace this season in my life.

Blessings. ~Natalia

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