Who Am I? Finding Me In The Midst Of It All
Recently when I am asked, “What kind of things do you like to do for fun?” or, “What do you do to relax?” I am at a lost. I usually sit there dumbfounded because 1. I can’t think of anything and 2. I realize that I have not made me a priority in a long time. I mean a long time.
The last few years, fun for me has been taking a nap, playing apps or reading or getting through a 30 minute show uninterrupted. I have been thinking a lot today about (my life in general) in this area and had a real heart to heart with Mr. Incredible.
Why is it that we as women lose who we are when we get married and have children? There is something about when children enter the picture that we begin to invest every thing within us into them. Your whole world can become consumed by them. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant your every thought is about them and how what you are doing or not doing is going to affect them. I’m exhausted by the end of the day and when the opportunity comes to go out and do something for myself I have to choose between catching up on sleep or doing something I would love; something that would feed my soul, my womanhood, the adult me. If only I can remember what those things were…
I know this is not the case for all women, some have managed to find a balance between you as an individual and you the mom/wife. This is not my reality. I would suspect that the things that attracted your spouse to you are things that he would love to continue to see in the marriage. He probably misses that…I know mine does. But more importantly, I feel a sense of revitalization when I do tap into something that is true to my (other)self. I adore my children and my husband but I have been watching me, the me he married, the me I knew before, slowly disappear and it is not beneficial to anyone.
So I would like to reconnect with me:
The me who would laugh so loud and hard that the back of my head hurt and tears would stream down my face.
The me who plays air guitar at Third Day concerts and screams…every…single…word…to each song.
The me who would drive without an agenda, without a map, without a care in the world never afraid of being lost.
The me who would sit up and write until the sun rises.
The me who would go to an art museum and sit and stare for hours.
The me who loves history and learning about other cultures, willing to try anything once.
The me who loves until it hurts without abandonment, without fear.
The me who took chances, who didn’t question why, but wondered why not?
The me who would lie in the grass, staring up at the sky with the wind blowing against my face and the smell of grass tickling my (allergic) nose ; )
The me who saw a challenge, looked it square in the eye and plowed right into it.
I love to compete, meet new people, learn new things, old homes, new ideas.
My frustration with life has been not allowing her to be seen.
She’s always been there, along with the mommy me, the wife me.
This is me…too.